On Canoes and Four Letter Words

This poem was written from a glorious dream I had earlier this month.  I hope you enjoy this small glimpse into my imagination!

If I were a canoe

If I were a canoe I would write stories to the night on the shimmer of dark waters.  I would coast quietly past stone dams scattered in the paths of cold black.  If I were a canoe I would be made of rugged wood, smoothed out into its sleekest form.  Maybe I would be made of cedar or birch.  Whenever I would float past tangled strands of driftwood I would remember my roots and be thankful for all that I had been crafted to be.

And if I were a canoe, I would glide past your home on the shore and call to you.  We would meet at the bank and shroud ourselves in pine trees and secrets.  Then you would come along with me and guide me through the maze of waves, the sighing of tides.  I would stay awake to see the moonlight become a chandelier in the darkness of your eyes.  Our thoughts would dance in the empty room of your soul, moving with the specks of silver.  And if wood had the mind to, I would make a mental note to remember this moment with you, forever.  The luminescence of your clavicles--entirely beautiful though you always thought them too prominent.  The way the curve of your smile shattered something inside of me that I could never name.

And if I were a canoe, I would sail with you slowly, tracing little tails of moonlight in the water.  You would look over my side and catch your own curious eyes on the surface of the rippling waters.  And if I were a canoe, when you thought you knew what light was, I would show you how the veil of night could lift, slowly and gloriously.  And we would step out of the light and into the light, all at once.

...

I reached the halfway point of my Christmas break today but I still do not feel ready for Christmas to come.  Is there anyone else out there who doesn't think this is the most wonderful time of the year?  I am finding myself somewhat...bitter? ...and down, in this season.  I am disenchanted because I only want things which cannot be bought or wrapped and I feel like those things are that which I will never possess.  I have to cringe a little when I look into the mirror of my own heart, because I know that I have chosen to be selfish with my much of my free time thus far.  FYI: feeling unloved never justifies withholding love from others who need it.  But you probably knew that already.

As per usual, I am drowning any sorrows and joys that come my way in music.  I'm revisiting Jason Mraz's Love is a Four Letter Word today and remembering that I do enjoy his words very much.  I am reminded that "understanding love is one of the hardest things in the world" and this makes me all the more grateful to hold the greatest love in me.  Especially in this season, when everyone is looking for gifts, I have been assured that I have already received the greatest gift.  And though I am down, I am hopeful, all at once.  Actually, the simple act of writing this post out has had enough power to lift my mood and make my spirit feel free.  And thus, I continue to be a girl of juxtapositions--to myself, and to others.  But I wouldn't have it any other way.  I hope you feel the same.

Merry Christmas,

E.