It is Sunday morning, and I have already been awake for five and one half hours. I got up early this morning because I had the opportunity to serve breakfast to the residents at the care home I volunteer in. I am sure that life is difficult for many of the residents there...and how could it not be? Most of them are away from their families and are no longer capable of performing basic daily tasks. I always enjoy getting the chance to reach out to these people. I like learning from them, too. As a volunteer at the care home, my role is to be an aid in the therapy of the residents, whether that be physical, emotional, or spiritual. However, every time I visit the home I can't help but feel that I am the one receiving the therapy. This is such a good thing for me. I think we all need therapy sometimes. It is a blessing to be able to do something as simple as bring someone a cup of coffee (in a brown mug, not a tan one, with two packages of the sugar in the yellow package, not the white package) and a piece of toast (cut into four pieces, with butter and jam spread all the way to the edge) and serving food is a great way to connect with people (in my experience).
After I finished my session at the care home, I headed to the university to do some studying and work on some seemingly ongoing projects of mine. It is very strange being in the university on a Sunday morning. It makes you feel as though you could be the only person alive in the world. It feels nice and eerie all at the same time. I am alone, but I do not feel alone, and that is a comforting thing.
Even though I did not have the chance to go to church this morning, I feel renewed spiritually. I found God in the faces of the residents at the care home, and I have felt Him in the empty hallways of the university. He is always around me and He walks with me. I am so glad to have His comfort and strength because some days I do not know how I am going to survive or how I am going to deal with the weight of the responsibilities on my shoulders. I am praying that He will make me more like Him, so that I can serve and love His people well.
I still have a long way to go, and there is much learning to be done. But He loves me and He is not finished with me yet.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
On Holding On and Mylo Xyloto
What do you do when you don't know what to do?
The past two weeks have been intense and filled with examinations of all sorts. Physiology, calculus, biochemistry, physiochemical principles of medicine...I have learned so much and I am feeling grateful and relieved to have a few "test-free" weeks. I love learning, but I know I will have to challenge myself to stay motivated and dedicated in the upcoming month.
Somewhere amidst the chaos of the past two weeks, I have also started my volunteer rotation as part of my university program. I am loving it. This is something I did not think I had time for at the beginning of the year, but now it is turning out to be my favourite part of the week. I have been given the opportunity to help out at a special care home for seniors. Already I have made some connections and I am looking forward to getting to know the residents more. I even got a few hugs from some of the residents today. Grandmas give the best hugs, don't they?
My time volunteering has provided me with a chance to serve and use my gifts and a chance to examine myself. I find it so easy to just get caught up in my own life and my own problems (and I think this is the case for a lot of people). But my job as a future health care provider is the provide the utmost care to my patients - to see beyond my own needs and reach out into the community to help in whatever way I can. Talking with residents who have lost their husbands, been taken out of their homes, and cannot perform some of the most basic daily tasks for themselves anymore has made me realize how much I have to be thankful for (as cliche as that is). But really. So many of these people are so thankful, even though they have been taken out of their homes and away from their families. I live at home with my family, and they love me (most of the time)...even though I am restless and tired of being at home and wanting to go away and adventure. I need to be more thankful for my now, and make sure others know it.
The other major event of this week for me was the release of the new Coldplay cd, "Mylo Xyloto." I have been waiting on this album with high hopes, and I am not disappointed. I am crazy about it. Somehow, no matter what Coldplay ends up writing, it has a way to permeate into the depths of my being and diffuse into the recesses of my soul.
The ninth track, U.F.O. is my song tonight:
"Lord I don't know which way I am going
Which way river gonna flow
It's just seems that upstream, I keep rowing
Still got such a long way to go
Still got such a long way to go
In that light, it's your eyes
I know, I swear, we'll find somewhere the streets are made of gold
But let's fly, split the sky,
But that's all right, sometimes, sunlight comes streaming through the holes"
If you haven't listened to the whole album yet, give it a chance. It's great.
The past two weeks have been intense and filled with examinations of all sorts. Physiology, calculus, biochemistry, physiochemical principles of medicine...I have learned so much and I am feeling grateful and relieved to have a few "test-free" weeks. I love learning, but I know I will have to challenge myself to stay motivated and dedicated in the upcoming month.
Somewhere amidst the chaos of the past two weeks, I have also started my volunteer rotation as part of my university program. I am loving it. This is something I did not think I had time for at the beginning of the year, but now it is turning out to be my favourite part of the week. I have been given the opportunity to help out at a special care home for seniors. Already I have made some connections and I am looking forward to getting to know the residents more. I even got a few hugs from some of the residents today. Grandmas give the best hugs, don't they?
My time volunteering has provided me with a chance to serve and use my gifts and a chance to examine myself. I find it so easy to just get caught up in my own life and my own problems (and I think this is the case for a lot of people). But my job as a future health care provider is the provide the utmost care to my patients - to see beyond my own needs and reach out into the community to help in whatever way I can. Talking with residents who have lost their husbands, been taken out of their homes, and cannot perform some of the most basic daily tasks for themselves anymore has made me realize how much I have to be thankful for (as cliche as that is). But really. So many of these people are so thankful, even though they have been taken out of their homes and away from their families. I live at home with my family, and they love me (most of the time)...even though I am restless and tired of being at home and wanting to go away and adventure. I need to be more thankful for my now, and make sure others know it.
The other major event of this week for me was the release of the new Coldplay cd, "Mylo Xyloto." I have been waiting on this album with high hopes, and I am not disappointed. I am crazy about it. Somehow, no matter what Coldplay ends up writing, it has a way to permeate into the depths of my being and diffuse into the recesses of my soul.
The ninth track, U.F.O. is my song tonight:
"Lord I don't know which way I am going
Which way river gonna flow
It's just seems that upstream, I keep rowing
Still got such a long way to go
Still got such a long way to go
In that light, it's your eyes
I know, I swear, we'll find somewhere the streets are made of gold
But let's fly, split the sky,
But that's all right, sometimes, sunlight comes streaming through the holes"
If you haven't listened to the whole album yet, give it a chance. It's great.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
On Stress and Schedules
I think it is interesting how quickly my feelings about certain situations can change. It's also interesting to me just how much small stressers can affect a person's overall health. Yesterday I encountered a VERY small form of distress, but it had enough strength to change how I saw events in my day. Though the distress I encountered had nothing to do with my personal competence or intelligence, the stresser made me doubt my abilities. The stresser made me afraid. I felt sick, and did not sleep as well as I normally do.
Or at least I thought it was the stresser. But I was thinking about the psychology class I took last year, and recalled Ellis' ABC Model of Emotional Reactions. To briefly describe this model, imagine that an activating event, "A," produces stress. The stressor could be big or small, trivial or substantial. In general, the consequence of stressful event "A" is some kind of emotional turmoil - feeling angry, anxious, agitated, dejected, etc. These consequential feelings are what Ellis refers to as "C." The common sense view of stress would state that stressful events, "A," cause our emotional turmoil, "C." However, Ellis states that it is our belief system, "B," that determines our emotional response to a stresser. I think Ellis is correct about this - an event can only be stressful if I appraise it to be stressful. I can experience either emotional turmoil or emotional calm as a function of my belief system about a stressful experience.
One of my favourite high school teachers used to tell me that "feelings are real, but they are not always true." Clearly feelings are part of our conscious experience and can drastically effect how we see the world. But our feelings really do take root in the appraisals we form in response to stress and change in our lives. So I guess this week I am working on learning to appraise my situations differently. Yesterday I was so scared to the point of nausea, and today I feel really good simply because I changed my appraisal. In fact, I felt so good that I took a break tonight and didn't do any work (and that's a big deal for me).
On schedules: mine is filling up, fast. Projects, exams, labs, meetings, work...and hopefully some fun, too. Stress is inevitable when you are a university student so I am going to commit to reminding myself to check out my belief systems to be sure they are logical and realistic so I can minimize my negative emotions. I was also reminded of an important verse in Psalm 118:8 today that has to do with all this:
"It is better to trust in the Lord than to take refuge in man."
And in my own personal translation, I think that verse should read "It is better to trust in the Lord than to take refuge in [Erika]." God's ways are so much higher than mine...I am learning to trust Him more in all things.
Or at least I thought it was the stresser. But I was thinking about the psychology class I took last year, and recalled Ellis' ABC Model of Emotional Reactions. To briefly describe this model, imagine that an activating event, "A," produces stress. The stressor could be big or small, trivial or substantial. In general, the consequence of stressful event "A" is some kind of emotional turmoil - feeling angry, anxious, agitated, dejected, etc. These consequential feelings are what Ellis refers to as "C." The common sense view of stress would state that stressful events, "A," cause our emotional turmoil, "C." However, Ellis states that it is our belief system, "B," that determines our emotional response to a stresser. I think Ellis is correct about this - an event can only be stressful if I appraise it to be stressful. I can experience either emotional turmoil or emotional calm as a function of my belief system about a stressful experience.
One of my favourite high school teachers used to tell me that "feelings are real, but they are not always true." Clearly feelings are part of our conscious experience and can drastically effect how we see the world. But our feelings really do take root in the appraisals we form in response to stress and change in our lives. So I guess this week I am working on learning to appraise my situations differently. Yesterday I was so scared to the point of nausea, and today I feel really good simply because I changed my appraisal. In fact, I felt so good that I took a break tonight and didn't do any work (and that's a big deal for me).
On schedules: mine is filling up, fast. Projects, exams, labs, meetings, work...and hopefully some fun, too. Stress is inevitable when you are a university student so I am going to commit to reminding myself to check out my belief systems to be sure they are logical and realistic so I can minimize my negative emotions. I was also reminded of an important verse in Psalm 118:8 today that has to do with all this:
"It is better to trust in the Lord than to take refuge in man."
And in my own personal translation, I think that verse should read "It is better to trust in the Lord than to take refuge in [Erika]." God's ways are so much higher than mine...I am learning to trust Him more in all things.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
On September and Staying Up Late
I know spring is supposed to be the "time of new beginnings," but for me it is September. It has always been September. I look forward to learning new things, seeing a blank page in the front of my notebook, and figuring out how to balance my school/work life. I look forward to beginning my journey in a professional college at the U of S and all the challenges and triumphs it will bring. I even look forward to riding a Saskatoon city bus for the first time ever!
I am feeling the need to see something foreign--I want to travel but now is not the time so I will just travel in my mind...through biomolecules and red blood cells or something like that.
I look forward to riding my bicycle in the cool, crisp air of fall instead of the scorching winds of summer. I embrace September with open arms.
Despite all plans to go to bed early tonight, I ended up having no motivation to do so. I find it hard to sleep when I have lots on my mind so I try to do various tasks instead. The late night extravaganza began with assisting my brothers with a writing assignment that they put off to the last minute. And then it turned to learning a couple new songs. And then it turned to a few mindless games of Minesweeper. And now I have math equations and formulas and graphs running around my psyche because I have a math test in 11 days even though school hasn't even started yet.
And now I am thinking that having really cozy pajamas is really great. My pajamas are a privilige and I am grateful to have them. They even have a pocket built into the shirt. You may not know this, but having a pocket in your pajamas is a really great feature. Really! I love my pajama pocket and I use it often.
Anyway - this post clearly does not really have a point. I love September and I don't like staying up late.
I am feeling the need to see something foreign--I want to travel but now is not the time so I will just travel in my mind...through biomolecules and red blood cells or something like that.
I look forward to riding my bicycle in the cool, crisp air of fall instead of the scorching winds of summer. I embrace September with open arms.
Despite all plans to go to bed early tonight, I ended up having no motivation to do so. I find it hard to sleep when I have lots on my mind so I try to do various tasks instead. The late night extravaganza began with assisting my brothers with a writing assignment that they put off to the last minute. And then it turned to learning a couple new songs. And then it turned to a few mindless games of Minesweeper. And now I have math equations and formulas and graphs running around my psyche because I have a math test in 11 days even though school hasn't even started yet.
And now I am thinking that having really cozy pajamas is really great. My pajamas are a privilige and I am grateful to have them. They even have a pocket built into the shirt. You may not know this, but having a pocket in your pajamas is a really great feature. Really! I love my pajama pocket and I use it often.
Anyway - this post clearly does not really have a point. I love September and I don't like staying up late.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
On James Vincent McMorrow and Getting Things Done
I fell in love this week. I have been staying up late and getting up early thinking about what he wrote. I have been craving hearing his voice. I fell in love with the music of Irish folk singer James Vincent McMorrow. I bought his album Early in the Morning on a whim this week and I am crazy about it. Apparently, the album was written "during a self-imposed seclusion in a beach house in Ireland". You can tell this is true just by listening to the album and reading the lyrics. I have been to a beach house in a quiet town in Northern Ireland myself so I can imagine what McMorrow may have been experiencing. There is something pure and raw about what McMorrow has written and I credit it both to solitude and artistic character. Listening to McMorrow's album Early in the Morning brings back a flood of good memories for me. Noteworthy tracks include "And If My Heart Should Somehow Stop," "If I Had a Boat," and "We Don't Eat." I know this kind of music is not something everyone enjoys but I would encourage anyone to give James Vincent McMorrow a chance anyway.
In the literature department, I spent last weekend immersed in a book on organizational system and methodology. I know the topic does not sound overly interesting, but I found this work particularly enjoyable. It is David Allen's "Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress Free Productivity". I have to say, I think Allen's entire method is unnecessary for me at this point in my life. However, I spent time implementing parts of his system at work yesterday and I am already finding it helpful despite its simplicity. I just love getting organized, so it has been neat to try out a slightly different system than I am used to. And, anyone who considers a label maker to be something you should or could be using every day at work has me on their side; I just LOVE a label maker!
I am also quite amused by David Allen's creation of the "Tickler File." It is a system of 43 file folders and is more or less a "calendar in a filing cabinet" where each folder represents one day. I do not think it would be very useful to me (or most people?) but Allen swears by it and I believe even mentions that he "can't possibly imagine living without his [tickler file]". So perhaps I will have to make my own Tickler File someday, too!
One of the points Allen reiterates about organization is that you must have a system you can trust in. You must build a system that functions well, and monitor it consistently otherwise you will not trust your system and therefore will not trust yourself and the work you are doing. This makes sense to me, but I am glad to have a much greater level of trust. I am glad to know that even if all my systems collapse on me that I can trust God in all things. However, I think some of Allen's ideas of trust apply to my spiritual life, too. If I monitor and review the times God has been so faithful and good in the past, I will know that I can trust Him with my present and my future. And clearly, remembering what God has done and worshiping Him for it is expressed as important in the Bible. I'm thinking of Joshua building Him an altar and of Psalm 105 in particular but I am sure there are many more examples. I like that the end of Psalm 105 tells us why God even bothers to be faithful to us even when we are unfaithful skeptics and ungrateful children: "so that his people would obey all his laws" (verse 45).
That's a beautiful thing, because ultimately, God's laws are what bring us freedom. He is faithful so that we, the unfaithful, may be free.
In the literature department, I spent last weekend immersed in a book on organizational system and methodology. I know the topic does not sound overly interesting, but I found this work particularly enjoyable. It is David Allen's "Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress Free Productivity". I have to say, I think Allen's entire method is unnecessary for me at this point in my life. However, I spent time implementing parts of his system at work yesterday and I am already finding it helpful despite its simplicity. I just love getting organized, so it has been neat to try out a slightly different system than I am used to. And, anyone who considers a label maker to be something you should or could be using every day at work has me on their side; I just LOVE a label maker!
I am also quite amused by David Allen's creation of the "Tickler File." It is a system of 43 file folders and is more or less a "calendar in a filing cabinet" where each folder represents one day. I do not think it would be very useful to me (or most people?) but Allen swears by it and I believe even mentions that he "can't possibly imagine living without his [tickler file]". So perhaps I will have to make my own Tickler File someday, too!
One of the points Allen reiterates about organization is that you must have a system you can trust in. You must build a system that functions well, and monitor it consistently otherwise you will not trust your system and therefore will not trust yourself and the work you are doing. This makes sense to me, but I am glad to have a much greater level of trust. I am glad to know that even if all my systems collapse on me that I can trust God in all things. However, I think some of Allen's ideas of trust apply to my spiritual life, too. If I monitor and review the times God has been so faithful and good in the past, I will know that I can trust Him with my present and my future. And clearly, remembering what God has done and worshiping Him for it is expressed as important in the Bible. I'm thinking of Joshua building Him an altar and of Psalm 105 in particular but I am sure there are many more examples. I like that the end of Psalm 105 tells us why God even bothers to be faithful to us even when we are unfaithful skeptics and ungrateful children: "so that his people would obey all his laws" (verse 45).
That's a beautiful thing, because ultimately, God's laws are what bring us freedom. He is faithful so that we, the unfaithful, may be free.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
On Dreams and Lazy Days
Do you have a place you can go to where your memories come rushing back at you? I have a couple. One of them is this park--and in particular, a tree--that I used to visit often with a friend of mine. I had not been to this place since September of 2009, when I left for England.
I went back yesterday. When I was walking through the park on the way to this tree I felt like I was floating in a dream. Things looked different than I remembered them and I felt different. I climbed into the tree and sat there for about an hour in complete solitude. I began to remember how I felt 3 years ago in this same spot and it was a nice feeling to have. But being in the tree again so many years later also made me see how much I have changed.
I went through a dark time a while ago. I think the friend I used to visit the tree with knows this. But I don't think they know how deep the sorrow was running in me. I don't think anybody knows. I am sure there will be more dark days ahead but I am also sure that God will not give me more than I can tolerate. I have changed, but I feel like I have gotten my smile and my laugh and my sillies back.
Dreams are mischievous creatures. They run away from you and when you try to catch them your efforts are as futile as attempting to grasp the wind inside of your hand. Though you may never fully remember the intricate details and textures of the dream, you will always remember its intoxicating beauty. Though you may never grasp the wind, you will always remember how it feels when it brushes through your hair and tickles your skin.
I feel like I have spent today in a dream, too. I have been looking forward to today for a long time, because I have been craving some time to myself and today was that day. I went to bed early last night and slept for 12 hours. I have had a deliciously lazy day of rest and relaxation and mint chocolate chip ice cream and one of my favourite old movies. It has been SO nice.
On that note, here is another thought that I find quite nice. It's a quote from Shakespeare's "The Tempest" about dreams. I hope you find something to like about it, too.
"Like the baseless fabric of this vision
The cloud-capp'd tow'rs, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep."
I went back yesterday. When I was walking through the park on the way to this tree I felt like I was floating in a dream. Things looked different than I remembered them and I felt different. I climbed into the tree and sat there for about an hour in complete solitude. I began to remember how I felt 3 years ago in this same spot and it was a nice feeling to have. But being in the tree again so many years later also made me see how much I have changed.
I went through a dark time a while ago. I think the friend I used to visit the tree with knows this. But I don't think they know how deep the sorrow was running in me. I don't think anybody knows. I am sure there will be more dark days ahead but I am also sure that God will not give me more than I can tolerate. I have changed, but I feel like I have gotten my smile and my laugh and my sillies back.
Dreams are mischievous creatures. They run away from you and when you try to catch them your efforts are as futile as attempting to grasp the wind inside of your hand. Though you may never fully remember the intricate details and textures of the dream, you will always remember its intoxicating beauty. Though you may never grasp the wind, you will always remember how it feels when it brushes through your hair and tickles your skin.
I feel like I have spent today in a dream, too. I have been looking forward to today for a long time, because I have been craving some time to myself and today was that day. I went to bed early last night and slept for 12 hours. I have had a deliciously lazy day of rest and relaxation and mint chocolate chip ice cream and one of my favourite old movies. It has been SO nice.
On that note, here is another thought that I find quite nice. It's a quote from Shakespeare's "The Tempest" about dreams. I hope you find something to like about it, too.
"Like the baseless fabric of this vision
The cloud-capp'd tow'rs, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep."
Sunday, July 17, 2011
On "The Lake" and Garlic Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream
I went to the lake for 30-ish hours this weekend - and by "the lake," I mean Lake Diefenbaker. I find it interesting how people in Saskatchewan seem to refer to whatever lake they usually go to as "the lake," considering that Tourism Saskatchewan claims Saskatchewan has an "array of 100,000 lakes". Wow! Apparently there is a lake called "Unknown Lake" in Northern Saskatchewan. I have been looking for some information on it because I would like to go there some day but there is not much out there. I guess it is a fairly remote lake so the name suits it well.
Anyway, I love Lake Diefenbaker and the great little town nearby my grandparents' cabin. Today it was thirty above and I felt like my skin was going to melt off of my body but I enjoyed about five hours at the beach nevertheless. Lately I have been stealing as much time as possible to indulge in Gabriel Garcia Marquez's magic realism novel "One Hundred Years of Solitude". I am loving this book. The vocabulary is so rich and satisfying and just what I have been looking for in a summer read. I am only about one third through the novel and already someone has come back from the dead, a priest has drunk boiling chocolate to levitate himself from the ground, an entire town has experienced a contagious insomnia, and a man has dreamed of building an entire city of ice. What is truly magic about magic realism is that absurd events (such as those listed above) seem completely normal and commonplace in the context of the story. And that is what is incredible about Garcia Marquez as an author.
I also enjoyed getting my feet dirty with sand (and not washing it off at the end of the day) and taking in the lingering scents of lilac and sage in the thick afternoon air as I walked from the beach to the cabin. I took the opportunity to not wear make-up today too, which I always enjoy. And, yesterday I got these crazy bright blue and white striped swim shorts and I wore them and I love them.
Another highlight of this weekend was experiencing the new taste of garlic chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Garlic and chocolate are definitely an interesting combination of flavours but the ice cream tastes better than it sounds. I actually enjoyed it. Anyway, the reason I was eating this strange ice cream is because I spent my Saturday morning/afternoon helping out at The Garlic Guru. It's a little restaurant in the Saskatoon farmer's market specializing in gluten-free foods and of course, garlic. The food there is great and I really enjoyed working there for the day.
And while I am on the topic of gluten-free foods, I might as well get out all my opinions about all this gluten-free business. I don't mean to be critical but I find it silly that lately it seems like so many people I know are becoming "gluten-free." Of course I understand this choice if the person has celiac disease. I even get it if a person tries it out and it just makes them feel better (although I think in many cases this may have more to do with choosing healthier options rather than just eliminating wheat products). But I just don't get people becoming gluten-free because it is the trend right now. I find it very strange that a diet restriction that began because of a DISEASE is now a trend. Since when are diseases trendy? Trends are weird, aren't they?
All that being said, The Garlic Guru is awesome and you should go try it if you are in Saskatoon sometime! I tried their vegetarian pizza on the weekend and it is absolutely scrumptious. The sun-dried tomato hummus is also fantastic.
Anyway, I love Lake Diefenbaker and the great little town nearby my grandparents' cabin. Today it was thirty above and I felt like my skin was going to melt off of my body but I enjoyed about five hours at the beach nevertheless. Lately I have been stealing as much time as possible to indulge in Gabriel Garcia Marquez's magic realism novel "One Hundred Years of Solitude". I am loving this book. The vocabulary is so rich and satisfying and just what I have been looking for in a summer read. I am only about one third through the novel and already someone has come back from the dead, a priest has drunk boiling chocolate to levitate himself from the ground, an entire town has experienced a contagious insomnia, and a man has dreamed of building an entire city of ice. What is truly magic about magic realism is that absurd events (such as those listed above) seem completely normal and commonplace in the context of the story. And that is what is incredible about Garcia Marquez as an author.
I also enjoyed getting my feet dirty with sand (and not washing it off at the end of the day) and taking in the lingering scents of lilac and sage in the thick afternoon air as I walked from the beach to the cabin. I took the opportunity to not wear make-up today too, which I always enjoy. And, yesterday I got these crazy bright blue and white striped swim shorts and I wore them and I love them.
Another highlight of this weekend was experiencing the new taste of garlic chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Garlic and chocolate are definitely an interesting combination of flavours but the ice cream tastes better than it sounds. I actually enjoyed it. Anyway, the reason I was eating this strange ice cream is because I spent my Saturday morning/afternoon helping out at The Garlic Guru. It's a little restaurant in the Saskatoon farmer's market specializing in gluten-free foods and of course, garlic. The food there is great and I really enjoyed working there for the day.
And while I am on the topic of gluten-free foods, I might as well get out all my opinions about all this gluten-free business. I don't mean to be critical but I find it silly that lately it seems like so many people I know are becoming "gluten-free." Of course I understand this choice if the person has celiac disease. I even get it if a person tries it out and it just makes them feel better (although I think in many cases this may have more to do with choosing healthier options rather than just eliminating wheat products). But I just don't get people becoming gluten-free because it is the trend right now. I find it very strange that a diet restriction that began because of a DISEASE is now a trend. Since when are diseases trendy? Trends are weird, aren't they?
All that being said, The Garlic Guru is awesome and you should go try it if you are in Saskatoon sometime! I tried their vegetarian pizza on the weekend and it is absolutely scrumptious. The sun-dried tomato hummus is also fantastic.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
On Plans and Feelings
I am a big Robbie Burns fan. I appreciate how he integrates the dialectic and culture of rural Scotland into formal poetry. In particular, I have loved his poem "To a Mouse" for many years now.
"The best-laid schemes o' mice and men
Gang aft agley,
An' leave us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!
Still thou art blest, compared wi' me!
The present only toucheth thee:
But och! I backward cast my e'e,
On prospects drear!
An' forward tho' I canna see,
I guess an' fear!"
If you have read John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men, you likely know that Burns' poem "To a Mouse" was Steinback's inspiration.
I post this because I am at the point where I am feeling excited for a the academic path I have carved out for myself. But alas--I will (or will not be?) receiving some important information tomorrow that may change all my plans, and potentially my feelings.
I am not worried or scared. But I am a little confused. And thus, my "best laid plans" may soon "fall aft agley". Sigh.
"The best-laid schemes o' mice and men
Gang aft agley,
An' leave us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!
Still thou art blest, compared wi' me!
The present only toucheth thee:
But och! I backward cast my e'e,
On prospects drear!
An' forward tho' I canna see,
I guess an' fear!"
If you have read John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men, you likely know that Burns' poem "To a Mouse" was Steinback's inspiration.
I post this because I am at the point where I am feeling excited for a the academic path I have carved out for myself. But alas--I will (or will not be?) receiving some important information tomorrow that may change all my plans, and potentially my feelings.
I am not worried or scared. But I am a little confused. And thus, my "best laid plans" may soon "fall aft agley". Sigh.
Monday, June 20, 2011
On Theme Songs and Not Feeling Any Older
I was not sure that this day would ever come. For some reason, I have always had the premonition that I would die young. And perhaps I already have--when I think of how much God has stretched me and changed me inside in the past two years it does seem like I have laid my old life to rest.
But that's not the point. Today I turned twenty but I do not feel any older. It's nice. It is true when "they" say that age is just a number. It is. Life goes on with or without recognition and/or acceptance of the Number.
I had a quiet but productive day at work, went home to have dinner (and cheesecake!) with my family, and even found the time to take bicycle ride to a solitary place that I love.
I think if I could pick a theme song for my upcoming year, it would be "When Finally Set Free" by Copeland.
Feel the pain teaching us how much more we can take
Reminding us how far we've come
Let the pain burn away from our hearts
We have time to start all over again
Well if you would shine your love down here
Oh Make my heart as perfect as new
Oh if you would shine your love down here
Oh I promise I'd reflect right back at you
Oh I promise I'd reflect it right back at you
Oh I promise I'll reflect it right back at you
Yeah. There is something about these words that resonates with me. I love Copeland.
But that's not the point. Today I turned twenty but I do not feel any older. It's nice. It is true when "they" say that age is just a number. It is. Life goes on with or without recognition and/or acceptance of the Number.
I had a quiet but productive day at work, went home to have dinner (and cheesecake!) with my family, and even found the time to take bicycle ride to a solitary place that I love.
I think if I could pick a theme song for my upcoming year, it would be "When Finally Set Free" by Copeland.
Feel the pain teaching us how much more we can take
Reminding us how far we've come
Let the pain burn away from our hearts
We have time to start all over again
Well if you would shine your love down here
Oh Make my heart as perfect as new
Oh if you would shine your love down here
Oh I promise I'd reflect right back at you
Oh I promise I'd reflect it right back at you
Oh I promise I'll reflect it right back at you
Yeah. There is something about these words that resonates with me. I love Copeland.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
On Getting There and La Bella Vita
The questions that matter in life are remarkably few, and they are all answered by the words--"Come unto Me." Not--Do this, or don't do that; but--"Come unto Me." (Oswald Chambers)
Tonight I am finding it comforting to know that I do not have to feel anxious about a big question that I have. Neither my "Should I"s or "Should I not"s can answer the questions that matter in life. Simply coming to Jesus is integral in living on purpose; coming to Him is cornerstone to real trust.
I know Matthew 11:28-30 by heart--and I have for many years:
"If you are tired of carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest. Take the yoke I give you. Put it on your shoulders and learn from me. I am gentle and humble and you will find rest. This yoke is easy to bear and this burden is light." -Jesus
But I am only now getting how important the preceding verses are...
"At that moment Jesus said:
My Father, Lord of heaven and earth, I am grateful that you hid all this from wise and educated people and showed it to ordinary people. Yes, Father, that is what pleased you. My Father has given me everything, and he is the only one who knows the Son. The only one who truly knows the Father is the Son. But the Son wants to tell others about the Father, so that they can know him too." -Jesus, Matthew 11:25-27.
What Jesus is saying here is entirely at the heart of the bella vita--that is, the beautiful life. It is not about what I do--no matter how much knowledge or wisdom or power or talent I have, I cannot know the Father. But Jesus--the Son that knows His Father completely and fully--wants to tell me about the Father, so that I can know him too. Jesus is the reagent by which I may enter into communion with my Creator. Because of Jesus, an ordinary person like me has an extraordinary Gift.
So getting to la bella vita is not really about getting there. It is independent of my plans, meditated actions, and ability. It is about coming, resting, and cultivating a heart of thankfulness. Jesus has paved a Divine bridge for me.
Tonight I am finding it comforting to know that I do not have to feel anxious about a big question that I have. Neither my "Should I"s or "Should I not"s can answer the questions that matter in life. Simply coming to Jesus is integral in living on purpose; coming to Him is cornerstone to real trust.
I know Matthew 11:28-30 by heart--and I have for many years:
"If you are tired of carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest. Take the yoke I give you. Put it on your shoulders and learn from me. I am gentle and humble and you will find rest. This yoke is easy to bear and this burden is light." -Jesus
But I am only now getting how important the preceding verses are...
"At that moment Jesus said:
My Father, Lord of heaven and earth, I am grateful that you hid all this from wise and educated people and showed it to ordinary people. Yes, Father, that is what pleased you. My Father has given me everything, and he is the only one who knows the Son. The only one who truly knows the Father is the Son. But the Son wants to tell others about the Father, so that they can know him too." -Jesus, Matthew 11:25-27.
What Jesus is saying here is entirely at the heart of the bella vita--that is, the beautiful life. It is not about what I do--no matter how much knowledge or wisdom or power or talent I have, I cannot know the Father. But Jesus--the Son that knows His Father completely and fully--wants to tell me about the Father, so that I can know him too. Jesus is the reagent by which I may enter into communion with my Creator. Because of Jesus, an ordinary person like me has an extraordinary Gift.
So getting to la bella vita is not really about getting there. It is independent of my plans, meditated actions, and ability. It is about coming, resting, and cultivating a heart of thankfulness. Jesus has paved a Divine bridge for me.
Monday, June 6, 2011
On Being "INFJ" and a Secret About Me
I am INFJ. And I am glad to be among the 1% of the population that is INFJ. I do not believe that your result on the MBTI Test (i.e. Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) can or should fully define the personality of the individual. However, every time I read the profile of the typical INFJ, I find myself nodding my head and saying "That's me" at nearly every statement.
Years ago, a high school teacher of mine took the entire class to the scohol computer lab to take the MBTI. I remember getting my result, and comparing it with the results of others, and feeling embarrassed for being an introvert among my friends at the time, most of whom are extroverts. High school is a strange place. There are, apparently, more introverts in the world than extroverts, so I am not sure why I felt ashamed and like I was the only introvert, but I did. And I am not sure when I was led to believe that it is "better" to be extroverted than introverted. It's not. Both have their advantages and I am glad for the vast constellation of personalities that exist in the world.
But anyway, here is part of the secret: I kind of like Lady Gaga. Her apparent craziness, her outlandish costumes and facades, her dedication and drive to her art. In the past couple weeks, I have seen several interviews and documentaries on Miss Gaga on the television. I watched the first one not because I was interested in her, but because I was bored. However, when she spoke I felt like I could relate to her. Understand her even. And I knew she must be an INFJ.
I "googled" this after the show. Lady Gaga is indeed an INFJ, just like me.
Weird? A little. Eccentric? Completely. Misfit? Yeah.
But so am I. And though I have never met Lady Gaga (obviously), in a way I think I understand what it is like to be her. I have never walked the streets in a gaudy costume, but I can imagine myself in her outlandish black stilettos.
So that's the secret: I like Gaga. I don't think I would call myself a fan, but I can respect her in her own light.
Also, I do not like leaving my closet door open when I am going to bed. On that note, I will go close it, shut my eyes, and dream.
Years ago, a high school teacher of mine took the entire class to the scohol computer lab to take the MBTI. I remember getting my result, and comparing it with the results of others, and feeling embarrassed for being an introvert among my friends at the time, most of whom are extroverts. High school is a strange place. There are, apparently, more introverts in the world than extroverts, so I am not sure why I felt ashamed and like I was the only introvert, but I did. And I am not sure when I was led to believe that it is "better" to be extroverted than introverted. It's not. Both have their advantages and I am glad for the vast constellation of personalities that exist in the world.
But anyway, here is part of the secret: I kind of like Lady Gaga. Her apparent craziness, her outlandish costumes and facades, her dedication and drive to her art. In the past couple weeks, I have seen several interviews and documentaries on Miss Gaga on the television. I watched the first one not because I was interested in her, but because I was bored. However, when she spoke I felt like I could relate to her. Understand her even. And I knew she must be an INFJ.
I "googled" this after the show. Lady Gaga is indeed an INFJ, just like me.
Weird? A little. Eccentric? Completely. Misfit? Yeah.
But so am I. And though I have never met Lady Gaga (obviously), in a way I think I understand what it is like to be her. I have never walked the streets in a gaudy costume, but I can imagine myself in her outlandish black stilettos.
So that's the secret: I like Gaga. I don't think I would call myself a fan, but I can respect her in her own light.
Also, I do not like leaving my closet door open when I am going to bed. On that note, I will go close it, shut my eyes, and dream.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
On Uncomfortable Moments and Bicycle Rides
Losing someone you were once close to is hard. Whether they have passed from this life, moved to a new city, or chosen a different path than you have, it hurts. At points in the past year, I have felt the malaise of friendship lost and the sting of loneliness; how sadness and discomfort can creep up and consume one so very quickly.
And honestly, I used to be a little angry about what happened between this person and I. It is difficult to believe the old adage "'tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" when the ache rests so heavily on your shoulders. But I am learning to be thankful for the pain. I think if you can feel the pain of loss so strongly, you can know that you truly loved and that you are strong enough to love again in the future.
So I am feeling quite at peace even though this friendship is not where I wish it was. I have grown up so much and I know I still have a long way to go...
I have gone from feeling a rush of panic to feeling comfortable in my own skin when I am reminded of the loss. I even feel beautiful despite having a mouth full of braces and no boyfriend. Contentment from God is amazing.
So even in the uncomfortable moments like today, when a person I loved will not even look at me anymore, I can know there is nothing wrong with me. I can pray for this dear friend and maybe in time we can sit down for a coffee together again. Or go for a bicycle ride. There is something about a long bicycle ride that brings me a lot of joy. My legs feel loose and I see the prairie landscape whir past me. I pedal into the skyline faster and faster until I feel like I can leave the ground and soar up into the clouds. If you take the right person with you, it makes the experience twenty times better--I promise.
If you are reading this, will you go for a bicycle ride with me?
And honestly, I used to be a little angry about what happened between this person and I. It is difficult to believe the old adage "'tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" when the ache rests so heavily on your shoulders. But I am learning to be thankful for the pain. I think if you can feel the pain of loss so strongly, you can know that you truly loved and that you are strong enough to love again in the future.
So I am feeling quite at peace even though this friendship is not where I wish it was. I have grown up so much and I know I still have a long way to go...
I have gone from feeling a rush of panic to feeling comfortable in my own skin when I am reminded of the loss. I even feel beautiful despite having a mouth full of braces and no boyfriend. Contentment from God is amazing.
So even in the uncomfortable moments like today, when a person I loved will not even look at me anymore, I can know there is nothing wrong with me. I can pray for this dear friend and maybe in time we can sit down for a coffee together again. Or go for a bicycle ride. There is something about a long bicycle ride that brings me a lot of joy. My legs feel loose and I see the prairie landscape whir past me. I pedal into the skyline faster and faster until I feel like I can leave the ground and soar up into the clouds. If you take the right person with you, it makes the experience twenty times better--I promise.
If you are reading this, will you go for a bicycle ride with me?
Saturday, June 4, 2011
On Happiness and Willa Cather
Question of the day: what will I get out of sitting at my computer, typing out a message, and sending it into cyberspace for anyone--and potentially no one--to read?
I am not sure of the answer, but I am giving it a try anyway.
I think writing things down can be therapeutic. Or at least that has been my experience; drink the language-elixir and feel better.
Presently, I am in the midst of reading a novel written by Willa Cather entitled "My Antonia". It is really great, really, really great! It is the best novel I have read out of the seven books I have been through already this summer. I am not even half way through, but there have already been a myriad of lines, paragraphs, and phrases that are absolutely and entirely stunning. Brilliant even. Cather is a fabulous author, and it may be hasty to do so, but I recommend that you read "My Antonia" even though I have not finished it myself. Here is my favourite passage from the novel so far:
"Nothing happened. I did not expect anything to happen. I was something that lay under the sun and felt it, like the pumpkins, and I did not want to be anything more. I was entirely happy. Perhaps we feel like that when we die and become a part of something entire, whether it is sun and air, or goodness and knowledge. At any rate, that is happiness; to be dissolved into something complete and great. When it comes to one, it comes as naturally as sleep."
I like this thought about happiness. I remember feeling just like Cather describes; it was a year-and-so ago sitting alone in the Lord's Lot Wood (England) with my eyes closed and the warmth of the setting sun resting on my eyelids. The smell of lingering rain drops shivering on pine needles. Crisp spring air. Completely dissolved in nature and spirit and love and God...and I did not ask for it. The happiness came and dwelt with me like a good night's rest. Nothing happened. I was still and I knew. And I felt what I perceive to be real happiness in that lonely wood.
And I have felt this happiness many times since then. It is not that my life has been perfect. Indeed, there are pieces that have become so emaciated...but I am willing to trust God to use me and guide me despite my mistakes and wrongdoings. Honestly enough, some days I wish I could turn the clocks back and fix the "Problem," but I suppose I am seeing that I must allow and accept myself to fail at times and learn to trust God and His grace more.
So, if you are reading this, and you are flawed and imperfect like me--be encouraged, and have hope. God can use you. You have a gift only you can give to the world.
I am not sure of the answer, but I am giving it a try anyway.
I think writing things down can be therapeutic. Or at least that has been my experience; drink the language-elixir and feel better.
Presently, I am in the midst of reading a novel written by Willa Cather entitled "My Antonia". It is really great, really, really great! It is the best novel I have read out of the seven books I have been through already this summer. I am not even half way through, but there have already been a myriad of lines, paragraphs, and phrases that are absolutely and entirely stunning. Brilliant even. Cather is a fabulous author, and it may be hasty to do so, but I recommend that you read "My Antonia" even though I have not finished it myself. Here is my favourite passage from the novel so far:
"Nothing happened. I did not expect anything to happen. I was something that lay under the sun and felt it, like the pumpkins, and I did not want to be anything more. I was entirely happy. Perhaps we feel like that when we die and become a part of something entire, whether it is sun and air, or goodness and knowledge. At any rate, that is happiness; to be dissolved into something complete and great. When it comes to one, it comes as naturally as sleep."
I like this thought about happiness. I remember feeling just like Cather describes; it was a year-and-so ago sitting alone in the Lord's Lot Wood (England) with my eyes closed and the warmth of the setting sun resting on my eyelids. The smell of lingering rain drops shivering on pine needles. Crisp spring air. Completely dissolved in nature and spirit and love and God...and I did not ask for it. The happiness came and dwelt with me like a good night's rest. Nothing happened. I was still and I knew. And I felt what I perceive to be real happiness in that lonely wood.
And I have felt this happiness many times since then. It is not that my life has been perfect. Indeed, there are pieces that have become so emaciated...but I am willing to trust God to use me and guide me despite my mistakes and wrongdoings. Honestly enough, some days I wish I could turn the clocks back and fix the "Problem," but I suppose I am seeing that I must allow and accept myself to fail at times and learn to trust God and His grace more.
So, if you are reading this, and you are flawed and imperfect like me--be encouraged, and have hope. God can use you. You have a gift only you can give to the world.
Erika
When I write I am free.