On Five and Feminism

Hi!

In just over four weeks, I will be returning home.  Five weeks from today is my first day as a medical student.  I am trying to accept the fact that summer is almost over even though it feels like it just began.  Five weeks.  Thirty-five days.

I am still having a difficult time wrapping my head around seeing my dreams unfold.  Every once and a while it occurs to me that I am going to be what I have been longing to be.  I feel excited and scared.  I feel a lot of other things too, but I am not sure how to put those feelings into words.  The feeling I have takes me back to being at the sea in Castlerock, Northern Ireland.  When I close my eyes I can see myself standing there, breathing in the cool mist of the seashore and letting the gentle scent of saltwater wrap itself around me.  I remember how I felt so far away from home yet entirely at home at the same time.  That is where I find myself now.

I have read quite a few books already this summer.  One that stands out as noteworthy to me is Wendy Shalit's A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue.  I stumbled upon Shalit's writings around Christmastime when I was browsing the feminism stacks at the university.  She is thought provoking, satirical, and funny.  While I do not agree with everything she writes about, much of what is written in A Return was relevant to me.  In short, the book discusses how our culture has shifted from one in which a woman was to be ashamed of her sexual experience to one in which a woman should be ashamed of her sexual inexperience.  Feminism's demand that women be seen as equals to men has resulted in young women being pressured to overcome their hang-ups--in particular, their hope for romance.

Feminism is meant to empower women but it has done the opposite on so many occasions.  Of course I am glad that as a woman I can choose and advocate for myself.  I can buy a house or a car.  I can be a doctor.  I can wear whatever I want because this is my body and no one else's.  Or can I?

Sometimes I catch myself thinking that it would somehow be wrong or shameful of me to let myself fall in love or to be romanced.  I have to admit that when I hear my girl friends talk about just wanting to get married, have kids, and be stay-at-home moms there is a part of me that does not respect them for wishing such things.  And I know that's wrong and that I should not put a "just" in front of it.  But I have this feeling that since I can be an independent woman that I should be.  I will have my own career, my own house, my own car (or bicycle), and my own life--and I will be happy on my own because I can be.  Or will I?

Women have equality with men, but not equity.  And I think what most women want is equity.  To be honest, as a single woman I am tired of the demands that society places on me to not only be my own wo man, but to be my own man.  In a culture where respect for female modesty has nearly been completely lost I find it difficult to not have to look out for myself in this way.  At this point I must be my own protector and my own provider because men who do not acknowledge or care about female modesty will not be gentlemen.

I am not just talking about dress (i.e. is my skirt too short; is my blouse too sheer?...) but about everything within a woman's character that is naturally modest and becoming.  The stuff that is so wonderful about being a girl that I have sometimes felt forced to suppress.

What I want--and I think many other women would want, too--is for the right to be a woman and to be treated as a woman.  Not necessarily as one "equal" to a man but as one "equitable" to him--complementary to him and vice versa.  We want to know that the desires we have for romance are good and that we need not suppress them, even if first we want to be doctors or lawyers or whatever.

So men: let us be ladies.  And be gentlemen to us.  We are longing to give you that kind of respect in return.

Pardon my rant.  This is more than enough about fourth-wave feminism for one night.

I am looking forward to seeing you Saskatonians in five.  If you think of me, let me know.  I am always up for a call or a skype.  I am thinking of you often and praying big prayers for you (Ephesians 3:14-21 style prayers).

Here's to believing that romance is not dead.

Cheers,

E.