On Christmas Letters and Exam Rules

One of my favourite things about Christmastime is that the mailbox is always full.  Much of the mass is flyers and advertisements for sales that are supposedly once in a lifetime, but there are always some golden cards and letters from old friends, too. 

I especially like people who send Christmas letters.  The Christmas letter from Uncle Doug (author and economics professor at SFU) arrived last weekend, full of satire.  I look forward to receiving Uncle Doug's Christmas letters every year.  He paints his family members as real people and you cannot help but laugh with them when you read about yet another year of incidents each one has gone through.

I also received some letters from faraway friends that made me miss them even more dearly.  I will write back soon, I promise.

Reading the Christmas letters that have arrived in the past couple days has made me think about writing my own letter. I was going to start, but I realized I had nothing very important to say.  I have not had that exciting of a year, but it has been a good one.

One of the most formative experiences of the past year came with an unexpected change in my job.  I am so grateful to God and to my partners in ministry for all the guidance and encouragement they brought me during that time. I was certainly unprepared and unqualified for my role but by some kind of Divine appointment I found myself there. God works to bring us into greater knowledge of His character in unusual ways sometimes. I never expected to find myself in full-time ministry, but that is where I ended up for a season. I can tell you that life in ministry is incredibly challenging. To be honest, there were many days when my mind and spirit felt weary and taxed. But the rewards were unbelievably sweet.

Because of this I have felt so compelled to express thankfulness to all those who minister to me. This Christmas season, I have been especially reminded of how great of a family I have. In particular, I am gaining a deepened sense of respect for my grandparents.  They are legacies in every sense of the word.  They are normal men and women but God has used them--and is clearly continuing to use them--for His glory.

Besides work-related life, most of the past year was consumed by university happenings.  Recently one of my best friends gave me the following four rules for writing final exams:

1.  Wear comfy clothes.
2.  Get enough sleep.
3.  Don't fall in love.
4.  Don't fall out of love.

It is hard not to break the rules sometimes.

I cannot help but marvel at the good things this year has brought despite my ignoble nature.  The past week has served as a reminder of the good: it has been overflowing with family and friends and love.  Yet, on this Christmas night I find myself longing for one thing that is missing.  I made a wish for this thing at 11:11 tonight even though I am a skeptic and do not trust in wishes.  But wishes made at 11:11 on Christmas should count as extra special, right?

I can only hope now that the person to whom my wish was for receives it and understands it.

All the best and all my love,

E

On Old Diaries and Advent

When exam time comes I find myself looking for anything to do that is not studying.  Today I spent some time dusting off my archived diaries and re-reading some of the entries.

I laughed at myself, cried at myself, and scolded myself.  I questioned how I could be so immature and naive.  But I guess that's easy to do because I know the story of how life has worked out for me so far. 

And, while looking back and having my childishness slap me in the face does sting a little bit, I am glad to feel this way.  It means that I have changed: that I am growing up.  It reminds me that life has become richer and deeper and much more wonderful--and that I have become a little more enigmatic.

And that is, in part, why I am still writing things down: that later I may remember clearly and be thankful.  Also, writing is a crucial step for me in processing feeling.  I am terrible at expressing my feelings and I always have been.  I process things in my head and on paper; if I have to express my feelings aloud to someone else without being prepared to do so I am generally anything but eloquent. 

Yet, I have feelings--a lot of them, sometimes.  I cannot help but wonder how life would be different for me if I had said how I felt in certain situations. 

So in this season of advent, I am working on familiarizing myself with the feelings of waiting.  (Advent means "coming."  If Someone is coming, someone must be waiting for them).  In this season particularly, I am waiting.  I know the mechanism of waiting well in my mind: it can be measured in units of time and be described in units of distance.  With each passing moment the amount of time spent waiting becomes longer and the time until the arrival grows nearer. 

In my heart I am allowing myself to connect with the feeling of the greatest gift drawing nearer and nearer to me with each passing sunrise and sunset.  It is a conscious, conspicuous, yet gentle drawing near.  It's amazing to think that over all this time He continues to draw near to me and pursue me.  Advent is not just a symbol that He is coming closer in time, but in space.  This coming toward is deliberate.  That is the best part.