On Trust

Trust has been, without a doubt, the theme of my life this year.

There have been so many days where I felt like I was fighting not to drown, and some days where I wanted to stop struggling and asphyxiate somewhere underneath the chaos.  My intellect and my soul have been challenged in every possible facet in the past twelve months. 

But I have learned much of myself, and of God.  I have discovered that I am utterly helpless--in the best possible way.  I have been stretched; or maybe more suitably, molded, or fashioned in unexpected ways this year.  I have been pushed to the brink and have had no choice but to let go--free fall and trust there will be divine arms to catch me.

God has met me in chaos when I did not deserve it.  I cannot tell you how amazing and wonderful that is.  Even within the last seven days I have witnessed El Roi at work in my life--the God who sees me.

The God who sees me.

One of the consequences of beginning to trust more is that you realize that you have so much more to give up, to entrust to God.  You realize that taking control means giving up control.

I have found that my feelings regarding trust are well summarized by Osawld Chambers.  Interestingly he does not mention the word trust in this passage, but his words certainly resonate with what I am feeling and learning:

"Loyalty to Jesus means I have to step out where I do not see anything; loyalty to myself means that I clear the ground first by my intelligence.  Faith is not intelligent understanding, faith is a deliberate commitment to a Person where I see no way."

Normally I discuss at least two topics in a post, but nothing is more important to me than trust right now.  Nothing even comes close.