On North and Maps

Hey,

Another Saturday has come and gone.  Today was a productive day.  I was up and working by 7 and managed to meet all my work targets for the week by early afternoon, as well as squeeze in some time for cleaning and a soccer game.  I can't lie to you: eighty hour work weeks are strenuous for me.  And I'm feeling pretty fatigued some days.  But when I find the time for some reflective thinking (usually at night, just before I drift off) I am still feeling thankful.  Happy with how I'm doing, with what I'm learning.  Glad to be on this crazy journey.

I just finished my fifth week of school and it's unbelievable how much more knowledgeable I am already.  Not that I consider myself to be knowledgeable.  But I can see my own progress and I am already susbstantially better than I was several weeks ago.  That's rewarding and exciting.  I have also learned quite a few new words (duodenoduodenotomy is nearing the top of my favourites list, I think).  And you know I love words, so you can understand why I am delighted by these things.

All this being said, there is something aching in me today.  Something that feels unsettled without any known reason. Maybe it's something that wants more.  Out of myself, out of people I care about, I'm not sure.  Maybe my expectations are just too high and that's leaving me wanting.  Maybe you can tell me?

North

you are like a map to me
 you are a map to me
 and I am losing myself
 in your keys, your legend
 your atlas.

you are true north to me
 resilient, strong, evergreen.
 steady and firm. your thoughts:
 sacred and safe with me

and when I go west, finding myself
 alone with the promise of company
 you bring me back
 magnetic, sure.

you are true north to me
 and you know well
 the contour of my spine,
 the curve of my smile

you are a map to me
 and I am losing myself
 in you, for you
 I am losing.


E.