On Kingdom Stuff and Righteousness

I am sitting in my room wishing for sunshine to sneak through my window as I daydream. I just started reading a book on mental and emotional wellness by Grant Mullen, MD. I like it so far, mostly because Mullen provides a spiritual perspective on depression and anxiety on top of the knowledge he supplies as a physician.

Think about this: Mullen's first interest in medicine was anesthesia because he was intrigued by the control of physical pain pathways. What he discovered, however, was that more of his patients were suffering from emotional pain than from physical pain. That's heavy stuff.

In my experience, the church has generally avoided discussing mental illness. I am wondering why this is the case. Maybe it is because there is so much stigma around the issue in general and in terms like "mental illness" and "depression." Or maybe there has been a lack of understanding of what it means to be mentally well or unwell, in both the physiological and the spiritual sense.

Or maybe it goes deeper than that. Maybe we have forgotten what it actually means to seek the kingdom of God.

Think about this: a kingdom is where a king reigns. God's kingdom is where He reigns: over the entire spiritual realm. One day, everyone will know the fullness of His kingship. But for those who know Him and love Him now, the desire must be to seek His kingdom in the present tense.

And in His kingdom broken people are accepted and healed. Joy that has been stolen is retrieved. Hearts and minds that have been shattered are restored. His children bless one another because they understand the sheer glory of seeking His will.

I am tired of hearing of individuals who have been stigmatized or looked down upon for seeking treatment for mental illness. It is especially disturbing to hear this from Christians. Things like, "did you know s/he's taking antidepressants?", when stated  for the purpose of judgment, must stop. First, because the public knows so little of the physiology and drugs of mental illness. Second, about fifty percent of North Americans will experience a form of mental illness during their lifetime--Christians included. Third, and more importantly: seeking healing is kingdom stuff. And the kingdom is what we are to be pursuing first (Matthew 6:33). People do not need your judgment; they need your support. They need your affirmation in seeking healing. Not all things can simply be "named and claimed." Stop judging and start helping.

As I was studying this week, I rediscovered a note I made in a lecture a few weeks back that nearly tore me apart: "we are more content with the misery we know now than the possibility of a misery free future." How true that is. I can be so risk averse at times and I praise myself for it because it leads to safe decisions. But a safe decision is not necessarily a good decision and vice versa.

I promised myself at the beginning of this year that I would not be afraid of things I do not understand. It is changing me. What great risk, to truly live.

And what great risk to truly believe God and to seek His kingdom first. "Abraham believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness" (Romans 4:3). It was not keeping laws, rendering services, or performing rituals that earned him credit before God. It was belief. "Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what he had promised. This is why ‘it was credited to him as righteousness.'" (4:20-22)

Here's to taking more risks,

E

On Memory and Crayons

I have found myself suitably drenched in memory this week.  The best part about it is that I feel good. I certainly did not feel good on this day two years ago when I wrote:

"Feeling uneasy. Can't help it. I tried to fix the mistake and I couldn't...sent the final farewell. Cried in the shower so no one could hear my sobs over the rush of water or question why my face and hair were drenched. I want to feel at peace but I feel completely dejected. I want to forget. I want to start over. I want to move to a new city. I want to stop thinking about how much it hurts to have someone be so angry at you.  But I am going to forgive. And I'm not going to forget or give up because I'm not the kind of person who gives up. I was entirely restless last night. I am glad God forgives...my body is weak from shaking. I tremble because I am sad. What happens next? I just want to move on and forget about the hurt this...brought. Feeling uneasy."

I am not quick to believe in "signs," but I think I stumbled upon one this week. In "My Utmost for His Highest," the April 3 page says:

"Never be afraid when God brings back the past. Let memory have its way. It is a minister of God with its rebuke and chastisement and sorrow. God will turn the "might have been" into a wonderful culture for the future."

I truly believe those words were meant for me at this time. I used to want to forget so badly because I thought that losing the memory would make me feel better: happier, less anxious, and less guilty. But now I have a kind of divine acceptance of the bad memory and I find myself rejoicing in the correction that it brings.

In a sense I feel like the psalmist in Psalm 73. I was a "brute beast before God, yet [He] is always with me." Today I feel like the happiest girl in the world. I feel comforted and loved and I like who I am. Not in a vain way, but with a peaceful, assured confidence of my worth because of all Christ has done. Confession: I was so happy today that I listened to One Direction and had a dance party. It sounds like an all-time low but believe me when I say it was cheesily amazing. I hope you don't think less of me for it.

On a mostly unrelated topic, I figured I would post one of my favourite quotes.

"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8 color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64 color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64 color box, though I've got a few missing. It's okay though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8 color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation. So when I meet someone who's an 8 color type...I'm like, hey girl, Magenta! and she's like, oh, you mean purple! and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, no I want Magenta!"
-John Mayer

Maybe it is wrong of me, but I do fancy myself to be a 64 color box. If you know any other 64 color boxes or magenta thinkers, let me know. :-)

Love,
E.